The Gift & The Curse.

Passion. 
Talent. 
Dreams. 
Self-belief. 
Confidence. 

I've lost count of the number of times I've heard someone say to either myself or someone else who has a passion for something and pursuing that dream something along the lines of:

"You're so lucky to be doing something you love and find fun, I wish I was doing that."

Or something to that effect.

And the only thing I ever think to myself when people say this is ''no you really do not.'

I am not a jealous person but I have a strange envy for people who are in stable, secure, well-paying careers. Generally speaking, via higher education. I don't envy what they do day-to-day, I envy that they do not have the same thoughts, inner conflict, fears, insecurities. But, most of all, I envy that they are happy/contented to just do something that will pay the bills, and it doesn't matter that they don't love it. Fuck, it doesn't even matter if they hate it if it pays enough.


But this gift I was born with is also a curse because it took over my life and once it made sense, nothing else made sense.

I genuinely believe I could have been anything I wanted to be, and been successful in it. But I chose to be a writer. I believe this journey will end in success and every sad moment will be worth it. 

Contrary to the tone of this post, I'm not actually sad as I write this, not one bit. Just reflective, especially in light of tonight's X-Factor (which, by the time I post this, will be "yesterday's X-Factor"). I'm looking forward to Monday and returning to what I love.

To all my fellow dreamchasers, embrace the struggle and continue to do what you love. I don't know about you but I for one believe that one day the morning will come, where you wake up and that voice in your head that kept telling you 'Keep going' will tell you, 'We did it. And it was all worth it'.

On reflection of this post, I almost didn't post it. Too similar in context to the last, as well as it crossing that boundary of impersonally personal that I said I'd try to stay within in my first post. But somebody may have needed to hear that last line, so we go with the flow anyway.

Now Watching: Match of the Day 2 (because what else would I really have been doing on a Sunday night?)